Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
