I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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