I want to have your abortion
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
