His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Drunk walkin through police station. America
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
