dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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