Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
my being single is dangerous.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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