it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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