In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
