3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize