Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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