i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
