We won't sleep together?
You're so nebulous sometimes
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
