I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
