There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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