There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
