I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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