A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
