You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
