Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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