Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
