i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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