we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
