Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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