took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize