Non-Jews are for practice
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize