i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
