Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
