You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize