I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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