I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
