Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
