My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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