I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
