It's Friday. Sex?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
