is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
