You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
