Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
In America we eat man semen.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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