What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
