I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
