smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
