White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
