He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
