I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
