before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize