Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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