am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
