the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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