My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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