New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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