How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
