there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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