I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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