i think my tv is drunk
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize