considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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