I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
