nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Randomize
