why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
