yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
