I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
