just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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