have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
