I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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