A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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