I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
