glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
