Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
