FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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