Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
