Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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