If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
