I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
