I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
