it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
