FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
