You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I didn't notice because vodka
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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