You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
