Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I look better un-naked...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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