i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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