Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
