you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
