I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
