I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
