Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize