It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
