Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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