I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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