Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
