Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This is the high leading the old right now
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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