I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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