I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
