You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
