I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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